Starting fresh...

Ready to become the new me. Today I start my PT on my back so hopefully I can get moving more. Ready to make better choices again. It has been beautiful out and I wish I could get outside to start walking but have to wait..

I am a baaaddd girl..

I have not been a good example for myself. Haven't blogged and I haven't been taking very good care of myself. This blog is call accountability for a reason. I could go on and on about all the reasons why but they are just excuses. Today I got a Health Assessment done at work and overall I am morbidly obese. I got back to my desk and said "you dipstick". I know how to control my diet. Exercise will be a little harder as I am having some back issues currently and I am starting physical therapy, but I will do what I can. This weekend Will and I are sitting down and coming up with a "food" plan on how we are going to attack this problem. I have to have a plan or I'm screwed. So no excuses except laziness. Going to go back to Weight Watchers as that was one way I was making myself accountable. I will post more when I can.

The Good.. The Bad.. The Ugly..

I stated in the begininng of this blog that I wasn't always going to write about weight, and this is one of those times. I just need to write tonight as I'm stressed.

First, the good. My ass has lost 3lbs!! Yes I'm happy about that. I haven't had the chance to join Weight Watchers as I will explain later on. I keep thinking that once I am able to that and have that support I will lose much more. I have been able to keep drinking my water, I have slipped every now and then on eating but all in all doing pretty good.

Now, the bad. Nothing to do with weight. I am soooooooo stressed today. I actually sat in my car and cried. I DON'T CRY! I feel like I am juggling so many different things. I cried because I felt like "when is it my turn"? When is it my turn to just have a complete nervous breakdown? When is it my turn to have someone take care of me? On top of taking care of my kids and husband, I am taking care of my mother too. My husband is going through anxiety attacks and depression and my mother is just all messed up. So I sat at the doctors office with my mom today for 2 hours, then spent another 2 hours grocery shopping just to have Will call me and tell me he was really depressed and didn't want to get out of bed with all 3 kids at home. I grocery shopped today as Will is working all weekend and I really don't feel like taking all 3 kids shopping. So as I rushed through the produce section to get home and when I got home the place looked like a bomb went off. So I went out to the car to "get the groceries out of the car" and cried. I feel awful bitching about it but I am just exhausted and need a break. I know that there is so many other things going on in the world that are so much worse that what I'm dealing with.

Now for the ugly. I cannot end this on a nice note as today I was completely mortified. I was listening to my favorite radio station and they were talking about the horrible earthquake in Haiti. Then they were talking about Pat Robertson and how he believed that this happened because Haiti made a pact with the devil and this was the wrath of god because of it. Really? How can the world produce such ingnorance? Whether it was the "wrath of god" or not how can someone have no empathy for how those people are suffering? I am very sad for the suffering that people are enduring over there. What makes Pat Robertson so special that he knows that god is wiping Haiti out. I know that everyone has the right to have their own beliefs and I believe that god is a forgiving god. I will say a prayer tonight for the people who have lost their lives, families, homes and their whole world in Haiti and I will say a prayer that Pat Robertson will see that god has beautiful things in store for the Haitian people one day.

Now I am off to drink my second glass of wine....

First Week..

It wasn't so bad and I made some better choices. I do still need to work on a few things. I haven't had soda since Monday but I'm craving one. Think I might have diet so that I don't feel to guilty. I did eat more veggies and fruit. I printed some recipes for some low fat meals for this week. Taking it day by day and I'm not beating myself for mistakes.

Day one...Better choices..

Yesterday I did okay. I drank my "bubba" keg of water and then some. I ate oatmeal for bfast. They had a birthday at work and I didn't go upstairs for the cake, but I walked out of my office and came back in and someone set a piece on my desk. Yes I ate it. I'm not proud but I will admit it. At lunch a friend and I went to Morey courts and walked for a half hour. It was nice not to just get the exersise but to be able to enjoy walking and talking with a friend. Last night I had bowling, and I am proud to say I made a better choice. I didn't get the chance to eat before I left so halfway through bowling I was starving! I really wanted the deep fried tacos, but ended up ordering the small salad. I also did not have my 2 beers and instead opted for water. I would like to go out friday night and would like to save having a drink until then. I did end up replacing my afternoon "girl scout" cookie snack with an apple. I did make the decision to sign up for Weight Watchers. Hopefully I will get there either today or they have a meeting tomorrow at noon. So I got through my first day with some bumps, and I hope to get through today with less bumps.

My New Blog...

I am by no means a writer. I am trying new ways to make myself accountable, and by putting this in writing I feel like I can do what I would like to do. Right now my biggest challenge is my weight. Why did I decide to write about a subject millions of people do? Because I have alot of obstacles to overcome and I refuse to let them get in the way. I am frustrated and depressed as I went to the doctor to and realized that I am now the largest I have ever been and I cannot stand it. My mother had bypass surgery years ago and I do not want to end up like her. I gave birth to my 3rd child in Sept. and I am ready to lose some weight. So I am going to make myself accountable by posting in this blog about my journey and use it as a journal in some sense. This isn't going to be completely about weight loss as I have other things I need to overcome. I am just starting with one of the easier things for me to control. My first goal is to lower my intake and become more active. My first step will be to drink more water and eat an orange in place of my "normal" afternoon snack. I will also start walking tomorrow at the local indoor track. It cost $1 to do this but I will do it 2 times a week at lunch time. I am doing this in baby steps as I hate to fail and if I try and do everything at once I will fail. I am looking into joining Weight Watchers too. I like the group atmosphere they offer and the support. I will have to see the cost before I decide. So tomorrow I will start my water intake (no soda at all), replace a snack, and start my first walk. I will be adding and subtracting more every few days.